Friday, June 20, 2014

June

I miss blogging and I miss taking pictures.  Not the iPhone kind but the real deal.  I'm such a sucker for memories and these 1st world problems are getting the best of me.  My house is full of empty picture frames and half finished scrapbooks.  When my kids get married, I'll probably have to hand over their childhood memories in the form of hard drives, old phones, websites and a list of passwords where all their photos are stored.  Sometimes this stresses me out.  As if they won't know then how much I love them now.




I adore this crazy and busy life we lead but every once in a while I panic that it's going too fast.  I'm coaching a high school dance team and some of these kids will actually still be there at the same time as my own.  I'm having a hard time wrapping my brain around that because coaching has brought up so many memories of my OWN high school years.  And that felt like yesterday.

I'm feeling sentimental today and maybe it's because I'm another year older and wiser. (???). I turned 32 last week but Gage said I looked the same.  I don't know.  Maybe it's the heat getting to me or my new nail polish fumes but I FEEL older.  It also could be the attempted toe touch.  The verdict is still out.

Anyway, I won't lie about being hesitant to take this coaching role on.  Moms, you know that feeling of being pregnant with your second child and fearing that you won't love it like your first?  Turns out, ND is my Sammy and GHS is my Holly.  Luckily, I love them both.  And beyond the love, I care.  A whole bunch of caring.  Sometimes caring so much is tiring and I'm exhausted, ya'll!






You see why I panic?  Sometimes being a mom takes strategry.  For example, I received no personal satisfaction from "running" the Color Run last weekend with Holly but it filled her quality time cup and that made it worth it.

Here's a picture of me earning the largest jewel in the crown I'll wear in heaven:





We cheated.




I think it's natural for us moms to beat ourselves up when we can't do it all.  Like I feel tiny ounces of guilt having Sam babysit Stella so much this summer.  But then I see her grab his hands, look up at him, and with her raspy voice, say "dance with me Sammy."  In that moment my heart is a puddle on the floor.




Someday I'll open this blog up with my kids and we will laugh and cry over the memories.  (Hi kids!)
I hope older and wiser me knows that it's okay that I couldn't do it all.  As for now, I'm just a mom living in a very real world where I'm bursting with love for my children.  I'm thankful to be going through life with a man who knows what it feels like to love them as much as I do.



Don't get fancy, just get dancy.